in decision

..until time shades me full of light, shows nature true to its power, allows hidden to be seen; wait until the masquerade wants to lift and the self allows to be free, from self, fear and opens to knowledge. when the mind draws the seeker through realised sights, belief and understanding, until then I shall and will continue to.. 

the last butterfly leaves that made me cry a heart so large

without a home not fixed as the root seems never feeling alone opening to find a goal shaped passed a measure once thought freedom of moment to sleep and to dream of

and everywhere like a rubberball in an open field given too much freedom to realise you are trapped by your own confines of realism of excepted societal norms of the now wanting only to be held too tight shown freedom to just be to dance gripped by the loops of mind grappling to hope, salvation understanding of a different view of how once you were and now wish to be

startlingly real pain that washes over and over wanting only to be enshrined, engulfed by sensation by thought a construct of delusion and joy realities that may not exist past the confines of skin heart you want only to believe in that moment with only the pleasures existent because of you unknowingly forced to stop and see go outside the walls seeking but unable to hold onto depth, the warmth freedom to have the soft, plush wool pulled upon you when i cant make it play it hurts where has the mind gone like love it is palpable the only shifts and changes are your repetitive strokes you dont know how to be fulfilled, back and forth only new directions of sound highlight the space around not alone but you are so alone

strengthening the mind with the knowledge of the past their experiences ways and beliefs challenging myself with worlds that feel so apparent noticed closely within this time being allowed makes me feel blessed honored and excited by prospect of development peace and growth i cant escape my wonder at how life can always be at whom i am and at what place i sit in this vast system evolving time death, life and rebirth nature abides and stuns