in decision

whoops there i go, dropping myself into a hollow letting my knees go weak, slipping beneath the clouds leaving space for freedom to abound when we open we unfurl allowing an existence to seem near, one that perhaps is not real. i often wonder if i were to be strong enough to let go to be what one knows they have learned escaped of conformity free to live with the unknown afraid and enlightened i wonder if i could be and would i

feeling strong emotions, unable to discern from the pain of need, want, desire to the longing for lust, greed and hope awash with self i have been but unable to contain my empty thoughts my pain self involved so deep within my mind left to believe that i am mine falsifying my own existence to pray for a stronger day unable to see, to realise that the shame shows me the way beyond minutes and hours, those periods that make me feel so weak at he knees, lost again, helplessly caught up with blinkers on i should feel ashamed. when i understand after time passed, i do but open up once more forgiving others forgiving hate releasing myself i can be in control but i digress i smile i feign until i can be