in decision

 the time that has passed by. vivid dreams in hope and of desires that fit into a vision yet to realise, to bloom. held aloft the self is, through delusion and inertia, encapsulated only in a montage of false recognition; awaiting to be held close, softly and with the all, by and..

..until time shades me full of light, shows nature true to its power, allows hidden to be seen; wait until the masquerade wants to lift and the self allows to be free, from self, fear and opens to knowledge. when the mind draws the seeker through realised sights, belief and understanding, until then I shall and will continue to.. 

the last butterfly leaves that made me cry a heart so large

without a home not fixed as the root seems never feeling alone opening to find a goal shaped passed a measure once thought freedom of moment to sleep and to dream of

and everywhere like a rubberball in an open field given too much freedom to realise you are trapped by your own confines of realism of excepted societal norms of the now wanting only to be held too tight shown freedom to just be to dance gripped by the loops of mind grappling to hope, salvation understanding of a different view of how once you were and now wish to be

startlingly real pain that washes over and over wanting only to be enshrined, engulfed by sensation by thought a construct of delusion and joy realities that may not exist past the confines of skin heart you want only to believe in that moment with only the pleasures existent because of you unknowingly forced to stop and see go outside the walls seeking but unable to hold onto depth, the warmth freedom to have the soft, plush wool pulled upon you when i cant make it play it hurts where has the mind gone like love it is palpable the only shifts and changes are your repetitive strokes you dont know how to be fulfilled, back and forth only new directions of sound highlight the space around not alone but you are so alone

strengthening the mind with the knowledge of the past their experiences ways and beliefs challenging myself with worlds that feel so apparent noticed closely within this time being allowed makes me feel blessed honored and excited by prospect of development peace and growth i cant escape my wonder at how life can always be at whom i am and at what place i sit in this vast system evolving time death, life and rebirth nature abides and stuns

One day I'm wandering along A path dropping away By a river I imagined life lived next to it Escaped Free Challenged Then I see it, real, believed, necessary The next day I un-box a new tv Using money for material Needless pleasure Electronic joy Unchallenged Safe Who am I really?

circular motion allows me the deep insight i watched my mind found strength behind forms having now wanting be i imagine the next life is evermore passionate as this one can make me feel ecstatic

i apologise for mistakes i make my haste and sense lose time and belief i drop from space allowing only thoughts and touch mechanic motions that are not present my being is whole without my mind present i lose the moment around me and sometimes it saddens me i grasp try to breathe it in get lost and cycle within without me i am not myself so? to my loss? to yours? so i hide

dropped among lose ends i traipsed within time encompassed by its whole slipping only when forced i do but assume an escape, as i write said word elongated to my own existence, belief whole honest truths not able to realise. that within stems my future to be seen as me alone rife

feeling depth understood only from learning i escape into the void that is mind perhaps memory despairingly hope seeing the hanging to wit i cling i let go understanding that alone i am me simple not inhabited completely by needs influenced. selfish perhaps desiring wholeheartedly to find ease safe in the emptiness of being, i sit. still holding to love, lust, longing and hope weakness abides is it trust in my beliefs or human touch that i lack? i don't want to speak, i have delved deep without knowing why following the past read only feeling that it is right for now as i can only project who i am at face value as i am not strong enough to be completely free yet to be me as i wish, without vice aloft of desire and need i must pine my love has changed.

for that moment that place the escape that is enabled shamelessly me enshrined in a smile because of it the music the loop the levity that i hold dearly as it is where i find my joy dancing alone within masked by the beat lucid to the eternal because i can be lost within myself among the noise my own being that reaches for a happiness that drapes time to forget for me is to hold close time moment visions of the joy passed and the future that lay ahead only alive will i feel this passion awakening forgiving i shall always be

am i but only wanting to be anew being simply an imprisoned image of my limited vision acting becoming while only showing a small sense of self a part withheld within my own scope not disappointed afraid of the reach or hopeful of a rise but journeying awakening and discovering Could what feels slowly be but just a matter of fact of time? perhaps i am aloft empty and void of needless hoping as i dont need its will its talon as i am me

whoops there i go, dropping myself into a hollow letting my knees go weak, slipping beneath the clouds leaving space for freedom to abound when we open we unfurl allowing an existence to seem near, one that perhaps is not real. i often wonder if i were to be strong enough to let go to be what one knows they have learned escaped of conformity free to live with the unknown afraid and enlightened i wonder if i could be and would i

feeling strong emotions, unable to discern from the pain of need, want, desire to the longing for lust, greed and hope awash with self i have been but unable to contain my empty thoughts my pain self involved so deep within my mind left to believe that i am mine falsifying my own existence to pray for a stronger day unable to see, to realise that the shame shows me the way beyond minutes and hours, those periods that make me feel so weak at he knees, lost again, helplessly caught up with blinkers on i should feel ashamed. when i understand after time passed, i do but open up once more forgiving others forgiving hate releasing myself i can be in control but i digress i smile i feign until i can be

sitting aloft gorging on but feed fat with content facts only false life a wasted speck in space and time most immeasurable i sit silently enjoying my mind, too much traveling from past through future  at each point trying to let go some more to not want desire feel tripping along the journey happy and free i am me and?

Darkened through shadows thought A life in a time not felt honest I become confused Unable to see myself My heart Belief Simple time in now shows me full Of life Of time Of happiness The sounds of life resound around me

i'm not lost only looking saddened by this world, human existence, that we live within now feeling a small path will make a big difference wanting our need for a symbiotic relationship to be forthgiving seeing shapes given over to each material being i feel forgiven pleaded upon though to make a change never feared of, for time will eliminate our hope will only stretch us so far without realisation we will be lost

to realise that letting go is simply being within moments this second and beyond. a moment is so deep held for eternity awoken to happiness open to the all truly alive honest strong encapsulated by the breath, the senses not wanting of past or future to only be