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like me

fallen into the same shame that holds my personality tight is not always a bother for me, i mean one can learn to co-exist yes. hate filled pain turns into wonderlust at all that life can hold and i feel happy. don't get me wrong you ignorant swine, you pathetic mindless fool, driven only by consumerism and likes as are those of others. i see happiness in doors that will never be opened to you. why, because i tried, because i learned to meditate, i dedicated existence to a pursuit of life in its oneness. now i am not at the very least a pious man, so far from it, i am BAAL, i am lost, i am a demon incarnate and in being so i shit on your search for happiness as i squander my own. i reach the gods only to throw back at them disgust and loathing at their weaknesses. i deserve to own the world, and when i do, in whatever millenia it may be, i will chew its bile and shit it out onto a plate made of hope. i cherish my mind, i use my mind, i hate myself when i am lazy, i loath ineptness, i have utter disdain for the weak, i trust animals, i help those in need and piss on those that fake a weak existence. i hate in equal parts as much as i love. now don't underestimate my pain, as i use this hate to build love and to cherish the wind, the sky, the air and the earth. i am on a path that only leads to happiness, and you are not invited. i wont stop pushing because when i do i loathe myself, i punish myself. i want to see life exchange forms within me, i want to feel life change within me. happy anniversary Charles Darwin, your life helps remind me of thinkers, darers, dreamers and masters of thought. it helps me see how small the worlds has become as no-one now seeks to find any hidden truths. this hate that i feel toward you all and too toward myself will generate a lust for knowledge beyond today and i know that it will satisfy me. you will be left here for a 1000 years more. i do not hate you for this, i will just miss you. you are weak. i am strong. and the more i am like you the worse i get, to detach from this life is my goal, to focus, see straight into life and to move forward is next. leave me alone. love me. be with me. lose me. do not understand me. just know that you have helped. that i will help, because i hate you and i want you to be like me.


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inside and out

and everywhere like a rubberball in an open field

given too much freedom to realise you are trapped by your own confines

of realism

of excepted societal norms

of the now

wanting only to be held too tight
shown freedom to just be

to dance

gripped by the loops of mind
grappling to hope, salvation

of a different view

of how once you were

and now
wish to be


without a home
not fixed as the root seems
never feeling alone


to find a goal
shaped passed a measure once thought
freedom of moment

to sleep

and to dream of

behind the veneer

i apologise for mistakes i make
my haste and sense lose time and belief
i drop from space
allowing only thoughts and touch
mechanic motions that are not present

my being is whole without my mind present

i lose the moment around me
and sometimes it saddens me

i grasp
try to breathe it in

get lost and cycle within

without me i am not myself
to my loss?

to yours?

so i hide