in decision

and everywhere like a rubberball in an open field given too much freedom to realise you are trapped by your own confines of realism of excepted societal norms of the now wanting only to be held too tight shown freedom to just be to dance gripped by the loops of mind grappling to hope, salvation understanding of a different view of how once you were and now wish to be

startlingly real pain that washes over and over wanting only to be enshrined, engulfed by sensation by thought a construct of delusion and joy realities that may not exist past the confines of skin heart you want only to believe in that moment with only the pleasures existent because of you unknowingly forced to stop and see go outside the walls seeking but unable to hold onto depth, the warmth freedom to have the soft, plush wool pulled upon you when i cant make it play it hurts where has the mind gone like love it is palpable the only shifts and changes are your repetitive strokes you dont know how to be fulfilled, back and forth only new directions of sound highlight the space around not alone but you are so alone

strengthening the mind with the knowledge of the past their experiences ways and beliefs challenging myself with worlds that feel so apparent noticed closely within this time being allowed makes me feel blessed honored and excited by prospect of development peace and growth i cant escape my wonder at how life can always be at whom i am and at what place i sit in this vast system evolving time death, life and rebirth nature abides and stuns

One day I'm wandering along A path dropping away By a river I imagined life lived next to it Escaped Free Challenged Then I see it, real, believed, necessary The next day I un-box a new tv Using money for material Needless pleasure Electronic joy Unchallenged Safe Who am I really?

circular motion allows me the deep insight i watched my mind found strength behind forms having now wanting be i imagine the next life is evermore passionate as this one can make me feel ecstatic

i apologise for mistakes i make my haste and sense lose time and belief i drop from space allowing only thoughts and touch mechanic motions that are not present my being is whole without my mind present i lose the moment around me and sometimes it saddens me i grasp try to breathe it in get lost and cycle within without me i am not myself so? to my loss? to yours? so i hide

dropped among lose ends i traipsed within time encompassed by its whole slipping only when forced i do but assume an escape, as i write said word elongated to my own existence, belief whole honest truths not able to realise. that within stems my future to be seen as me alone rife

feeling depth understood only from learning i escape into the void that is mind perhaps memory despairingly hope seeing the hanging to wit i cling i let go understanding that alone i am me simple not inhabited completely by needs influenced. selfish perhaps desiring wholeheartedly to find ease safe in the emptiness of being, i sit. still holding to love, lust, longing and hope weakness abides is it trust in my beliefs or human touch that i lack? i don't want to speak, i have delved deep without knowing why following the past read only feeling that it is right for now as i can only project who i am at face value as i am not strong enough to be completely free yet to be me as i wish, without vice aloft of desire and need i must pine my love has changed.