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lost again

i thought that i was feeling a pain that would mean a closeness in my life, but i was wrong. the pain we feel is but imagined as we hope for this connection to others that does not exist. unless we try to find it. we all have seen real feelings and the way that they will make others act and be but do we understand them? do we really know how our actions and thoughts affect those around us?

i wonder through anonymity, hoping to not fall into the world as it is as i want to be different and i hear so much that makes me smile and that makes me feel a connection. we all know that life is endless in this lifetime and so we seek to leave impressions, but will they last?

no.

do you remember your grandparents? your great grandparents?? hell do you know your parents??? even yourself???? we are fleeting in this time line, destroying our gifts so easily as we seek to nourish ourselves, thinking that now, the truths we believe, are the all.

so what of the past? oh but you would be nothing without it. language as you know it was not this diverse, society as you know it was not now without the first societies. sumerians, mesopetamians, egyptians and aborigines are now but words we use to feel cultured. that was life. can you read latin? that was language. we are more ignorant now as a global society as we grow leaving life behind as we feel that the future is what has to offer. we are not seeking to know what was as we feel that it does not matter. we do not even know the true life in the depths in our own ocean.

we destroy this world thinking that by creating we are developing but we are no closer to enlightenment than a Buddha who simply sat beneath a tree.

i feel lost in this world because we are so distant.

i listen to oz hip hop because they speak about now with respect to who they are, where they came from and who our society is. the real music of this time is honest about the direction of life, not about the feelings or pains of what has been missed, not about the dreams but about the now.

we need more respect for mother earth, for the life that is the gift given to us.

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inside and out

and everywhere like a rubberball in an open field

given too much freedom to realise you are trapped by your own confines

of realism

of excepted societal norms

of the now

wanting only to be held too tight
shown freedom to just be

to dance

gripped by the loops of mind
grappling to hope, salvation

understanding
of a different view

of how once you were

and now
wish to be

behind the veneer

i apologise for mistakes i make
my haste and sense lose time and belief
i drop from space
allowing only thoughts and touch
mechanic motions that are not present

my being is whole without my mind present

i lose the moment around me
and sometimes it saddens me

i grasp
try to breathe it in

get lost and cycle within

without me i am not myself
so?
to my loss?

to yours?


so i hide

and so shall i

strengthening the mind with the knowledge of the past
their experiences
ways
and beliefs

challenging myself with worlds that feel so apparent
noticed closely within this time

being allowed makes me feel blessed
honored
and excited by prospect

of development
peace
and growth

i cant escape my wonder at how life can always be
at whom i am
and at what place i sit

in this vast system
evolving time

death, life and rebirth
nature abides


and stuns