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green means walk fcukr

so I'm standing waiting, writing a text with all the capabilities and speed of a geriatric old man who has to use toes as fingers, when the little green crossing man shines gaily at me and i start to cross. a quick survey of the traffic to my right and all is well, back to the epileptic fit that was my finger typing, (now having gained momentum as the lactic acid has lubricated the old joints) when all of a sudden, right in front of my toes a BMW flies past aggressively beeping its horn at me. I quickly look up with a sudden shock feeling of dread that my lack of attention has led me onto a busy road without any due care, but no, there he is, the little green man. the next split second i am yelling down at the boot of the BMW as it races past with no hesitation. now the idiot in the car, whom i would have to assume was a man; a) driving well at speed, b)driving bad at speed, has been completely oblivious to any sign that i was allowed to cross, simply looking at me as another retard staring into a phone writing another pointless text msg. not being far from the truth (i won't tell you which bit) i still crossed the road furious that such idiotic attention had been brought to me, not to negate the fact that THE PRICK ALMOST HIT ME AT HIGH SPEED! i didn't know how to think, my initial reaction was to throw my phone at the dick but being that i had already struggled for so long to get down the few lines i had, i choose against that. so what do i do?? i know I'm in the right but i felt as though, far from being lucky to be able to walk away, that i had been violated in such a terrible way. the speeding BMW driver had taken away my power in a split second and i had to breathe deep to get it back. i was shocked by the thoughts that now ran through my mind, those of pain, hospitalisation, bleeding in the street, unemployment, vulnerability, and why predictive text always chose 'good' over 'home'??.

i vent now as i am still deeply furious over the fact that i was put into a situation without my consent, i should be aware while crossing (and no doubt will be very from now on) but i was deep within my own world before this tosser forced me out. this doesn't happen often to me and though each new experience is learned from with awe and wonderment, is still did not enjoy it. i might have been ok with all of this, had the very sexy lady across the street not been watching me..damn it .


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inside and out

and everywhere like a rubberball in an open field

given too much freedom to realise you are trapped by your own confines

of realism

of excepted societal norms

of the now

wanting only to be held too tight
shown freedom to just be

to dance

gripped by the loops of mind
grappling to hope, salvation

of a different view

of how once you were

and now
wish to be


without a home
not fixed as the root seems
never feeling alone


to find a goal
shaped passed a measure once thought
freedom of moment

to sleep

and to dream of

behind the veneer

i apologise for mistakes i make
my haste and sense lose time and belief
i drop from space
allowing only thoughts and touch
mechanic motions that are not present

my being is whole without my mind present

i lose the moment around me
and sometimes it saddens me

i grasp
try to breathe it in

get lost and cycle within

without me i am not myself
to my loss?

to yours?

so i hide