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whole again

feeling strong emotions, unable to discern

from the pain of need, want, desire
to the longing for lust, greed and hope

awash with self i have been but unable to contain
my empty thoughts
my pain

self involved so deep within my mind
left to believe that i am mine

falsifying my own existence to pray for a stronger day
unable to see, to realise that the shame shows me the way

beyond minutes and hours, those periods that make me feel so weak
at he knees, lost again, helplessly
caught up with blinkers on

i should feel ashamed.

when i understand after time passed, i do but open up once more
forgiving others
forgiving hate
releasing myself

i can be in control but i digress

i smile
i feign

until i can be

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inside and out

and everywhere like a rubberball in an open field

given too much freedom to realise you are trapped by your own confines

of realism

of excepted societal norms

of the now

wanting only to be held too tight
shown freedom to just be

to dance

gripped by the loops of mind
grappling to hope, salvation

understanding
of a different view

of how once you were

and now
wish to be

behind the veneer

i apologise for mistakes i make
my haste and sense lose time and belief
i drop from space
allowing only thoughts and touch
mechanic motions that are not present

my being is whole without my mind present

i lose the moment around me
and sometimes it saddens me

i grasp
try to breathe it in

get lost and cycle within

without me i am not myself
so?
to my loss?

to yours?


so i hide

and so shall i

strengthening the mind with the knowledge of the past
their experiences
ways
and beliefs

challenging myself with worlds that feel so apparent
noticed closely within this time

being allowed makes me feel blessed
honored
and excited by prospect

of development
peace
and growth

i cant escape my wonder at how life can always be
at whom i am
and at what place i sit

in this vast system
evolving time

death, life and rebirth
nature abides


and stuns